Twice a year Neiman Marcus makes it possible for humble women like myself to purchase beauty products and receive a free tote and samples. I almost always take advantage of this great offer. It gives me a chance to elevate my social status; no longer am I the simple and uneducated. I can powder my bottom just like certain (and they know who they are) simpering, egotistical fashion queens who purchase fifty-dollar flip flops from Steinhauser's.  Not only that, the internet and television is ripe with gorgeous new garments worn by the ultra-thin and beautiful. It gives me, who has never donned a pair of 5 inch stilletoes, a chance to dream and reflect on my youthful beauty.

I have never worn a gown; but, if I had...then I would not consider myself a queen. I would not sit on my throne and preach to the masses facts of which they are aware. I would not enter into issues having no connection to my regal post. If I wore a gown, I would consider the consequences of my words, the effect of their ring and tone. 

 I am not a queen, (just a child of freedom) but I do powder my rear end exquisitely, liberally. Neiman Marcus provides me with a good Jewish deal on all of my favorite beauty products. And while I powder, I consider the filth below my feet, the wagging lying tongues of old neighborhood gossips. I am grateful for the clean white cloud floating around my rear end.  I am happy with whom I am.