Thoughts on Last Night's State of the Union Address
Weird and Creepy Neighbors: What to do?

Isn't it Illegal to Stalk and Harass Through the US Mail?

A weird and creepy fan can come out of anywhere, even your own neighborhood. I really don't know which one of my literary masterpieces that my super fan is referring to in the weird letter below, or why my superfan believes I waste much time thinking of them, or why I am deserving of a certified letter that costs five bucks, but I'm grateful for the clicks. I'm grateful to all of my fans and super fans that don't know how to make a bookmark and just click around all over my site looking for a single post or a single word. That drives up my Google rating.

But chronically accusing me and my dogs of something untrue, harassing us, is not okay. It's injustice 101. It's scary because it's a whole coalition. You can see that on the envelope. Anyone would be intimidated. No wonder I am so upset. I am officially ganged up on by an entire coalition! I'm losing it!

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I wonder if the dogs know they are accused of *insert drumroll*...barking!

Sometimes Travis does go out there to bark. Usually he barks when he's hearing another dog bark, and that dog is barking because another dog is barking over on a different street, and so on and on. He also barks at nosy people that stick their eyeballs into the fence. He barks at screaming babies and junk cars that rumble around, the trash truck, and occasional sirens. He barks when he hears people yelling and talking loud. But he isn't out there at night; he isn't out there in the cold or the heat; he isn't underfed or underloved. No evidence of any of these accusations of him barking exist anywhere--no pictures, no audio, nothing. If they had any audio it would be because they harassed him and made him bark by making noises of their own. He and Gladys are just normal dogs, living a normal life, minding their own business. They are a case study in how humans should be, especially the minding your own business part. Well, Gladys is nosy, but that's okay. The weird thing is that I was home on the days referenced below, except Monday. The author writes that the dog is barking for fifteen minutes, and I'm thinking, so what? It's baloney anyway. I have cameras all over the place, and I know when he is out there. I can see him. I can see him pee on the welcome mat, step in the pee, and jump right back into the house. It irritates me to death. He's a scaredy cat, and Gladys is such a coward she never visits the patio when I'm not home. She uses her pee pad.

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This isn't the only time that I've been harassed via mail, but this time does stand out for its cowardly flavor and pathetic nature. It's really dumb that someone would go into a nearby post office and send off such unpolished and unprofessional, pathetic prose. There must be a law against this kind of behavior. Surely the second letter they threaten to send will trigger the harassment law, or at least the law against bad literature. It's a disgrace to paper to send out something that lousy. Since I am just as much of a pretend lawyer, probably even better than the author of that pathetic letter, I'm going to impress upon Travis that he needs to get out there and do a bunch more barking. The more barking, the better. That way the author of the creepy I-Wish-I-Wasn't-So-Bored stalker letter could get some kind of rehab, and me and Travis could go to Austin to watch some bands.

I guess I felt pretty distressed when I first read all of this. Like any good English composition person, I started annotating it and making comments, running it through the copier, and downloading the documents into an Adobe file. But most importantly, and this really matters, I want the authors to know that the word is sot, not sod. Example: You are a drunken sot. When critiquing my writing the least they can do is get it right. And they remark in the letter below that "I left them no choice." People that know me can already testify that in most situations that are ridiculous and stupid, I am not interested in providing anyone with a choice. That's such a weird thing to write, almost like a little passive-aggressive threat. A threat cliché

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And seriously, it is incredibly sad and disturbing that adults can act like this when all they have to do is mind their own business. All they have to do is use their minds and their work for something good to benefit society, and not bother anyone. When they make a fake call to complain about me, when they fixate on something they think someone wrote, when they try to harm an animal at its own home, they are taking time away from something more important. They are choosing to exist in chaos and not thrive in peace. It's all in the Karma.

 

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